


Tea With Honey

by nelliecrain



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/F, Lesbians in Space, Time Travelling Lesbians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-08-11 02:50:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 12,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16467227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nelliecrain/pseuds/nelliecrain
Summary: She was her own galaxy of brightness, six trillion years of starlight and stellar dust that seemed to come together all at once in a cosmic nova; a beacon that lit Yazmin's world with hope the moment she stepped into her life.





	1. Table of Contents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favorites/recommendations are highlighted in bold c:

Table Of Contents

* * *

Chapter 2 / Holding Hands

In which the Doctor gets her ears pierced, and is a little afraid without a helping hand. 

 

Chapter 3 / Dating

In which Graham and Ryan realize Yaz and the Doc aren't just friends.

Chapter 4 / Dancing 

In which the Doctor has an awful music taste, and it's adorable.  

 

**Chapter 5 / Taking Care**

In which the Doctor is drunk, and is a handful, but that's why Yaz has got two hands.

Chapter 6 / Time Together

 In which Graham and Ryan get their favorite couple some alone time. 

 

Chapter 7 / Pain

In which the Doctor runs into a little bit of trouble.

**Chapter 8 / Stardust**

In which they cuddle <3

Chapter 9 / Morning

In which the Doctor wakes up in Yaz's lap.

Chapter 10 / Blind Date

In which Najia sends Yaz on a blind date.

Chapter 11 / Close

In which the Doctor gets cramps.

Chapter 12 / Wishes 

In which Yaz wishes they were together- and may have slipped up. 

Chapter 13 / Porgs!

In which the team runs into some familiarly fluffy friends.

Chapter 14 / Girlfriend 

 

In which Sonya likes to tease Yaz about her girlfriend.

Chapter 15 / Curls and Daisies

In which the Doc and Yaz spend some time together.

Chapter 16 / Overcast Dreams

In which Yaz reflects on their relationship. 

**Chapter 17 / Arabesque**

In which a gentle melody carries them both away.

Chapter 18 / With Her

In which an explanation is given to Chapter 7.

Chapter 19 / Oblivious

In which Yaz leaves her hair curly.

Chapter 20 / Winded 

In which someone proposes, and someone passes out.

Chapter 21 / Chilly Mornings

In which Yaz falls asleep cold.

**Chapter 22 / Ecstacy**  

In which beautiful things happen, but are forgotten.

 

 


	2. Holding Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz convinces the Doctor to get her ear pierced.  
> Prompt via Tumblr

“Why are we doing this again?” 

She was fidgeting, which was something Yaz never saw her do. She took the Doctor’s hands in her own, interrupting her jitters to rub small circles over the tops of her hands with her thumbs. 

“You don’t need to be so anxious, I promise,” Yaz insisted gently. She glanced around briefly, before lowering her voice, giving the Doctor a reassuring smile. “You’re basically a  _time-travelling astronaut_ , a little ear piercing isn’t going to be too bad.”

She didn’t look convinced. Looking up at Yaz as the woman who’d been helping them walked over, the Doctor gave her girlfriend a puppy-like look of distress, squeezing her hands a little bit. 

“Don’t let go?” She asked quietly, refusing to even glance over as the woman brushed back her hair, brushing her ear with a cotton ball.

Yasmin nodded, lacing their fingers together and holding her hands tight. “I’m right here.”


	3. Dating

The hallway was dimly lit, just enough light emitted by the fluorescents on the walls to cast blue-haloed silhouettes over the team as they quietly crossed through the space station passageway. 

“We’ve got to be quick,” the Doctor whispered, her voice almost unheard over the heavy hum of the station’s internals, and the mechanical hiss of steam from all around them. “As soon as I raise the liquid hydrogen levels-”

“Doc, we know what to do.” Ryan assured her, looking to the other two companions to get a confirming nod of confidence. “You can trust us.”

The Doctor gave them a grin, head tilting a little. “Of course I trust my team.”

She passed Ryan and Graham, reaching into her pocket for a small device which she pressed into Yasmin’s palm. “Don’t press it until you’re at the TARDIS.”

Yaz frowned, recounting the Doctor’s plan in her head. “But what about you? If we detonate when you’re not in the TARDIS yet-”

“Don’t worry about me,” she countered gently, slipping her hand over Yaz’s. “Worry about this space station that’s about to crash into the Earth.”

It was so like her, to act in the interest of others like that.

“You just make sure you get outta’ that engine room before it explodes, alright Doctor?” Graham stepped closer, the tone of a worried friend. 

She cast a grin over her shoulder. “Promise.”

They were like family, the team of the three of them. Yaz and the Doctor, however, were a little closer than friends.

Her attention was brought back over as Yaz tapped her shoulder gently.

“Hey, come back safe.”

Yasmin took her hand from the Doctor’s, throwing them around the other’s neck and pulling her into a soft kiss, their bodies just brushing together- before they had to pull away. 

Ryan and Graham shared a look.

“Wait a minute-”

_“Did you two just-”_

The Doctor pressed one last kiss on Yaz’s cheek, before stepping back and starting toward the end of the hall. “Good luck,” She nodded to the boys. “Love you,” She called to Yaz, who smiled brightly.

Graham held out a hand to stop her- a frown of shock written over his expression. “Hold on, are you two  _dating_?”

The Doctor turned, but kept walking, giving him a briefly frustrated shake of the head. “Not now, Graham. Off with you three, go on,” She shooed them with one hand, and just as soon as she’d started walking, she was jogging off toward the end of the hall- coat snapping against heels, leaving the three companions in empty silence.

“How’d we not notice  _that_?” Ryan asked aloud, at which a dumbfounded Graham just shrugged his shoulders.

“Boys are idiots,” Yaz offered in response, and left it at that. 

 

* * *

 

“You’re safe!” 

The two embraced in a running hug, Yaz burying her face into the Doctor’s shoulder. 

“I said I would be, didn’t I?”

From the console platform, Ryan and Graham stood beside each other, watching the couple with subdued shock.

The two lingered in the hug for a moment, wrapping their arms around each other and holding one another close- before Graham cleared his throat, and they stepped apart. However, Yaz caught the Doctor’s hand, giving her hand a light squeeze.

“How long before you told us you two were dating, huh?” Graham asked with a bit of a grin in his tone. 

“What’d’you mean?” The Doctor asked, almost tipping onto the balls of her feet in fidgety exhilaration from the adventure. 

“We’ve been dating for, what, a couple of weeks?” Yaz added, peering over at her girlfriend for confirmation.

“Time is relative, love.” The Doctor corrected. “I think the boys have just been oblivious.”

“Yeah,” Ryan scoffed. “You’re telling me.”


	4. Dancing

Yaz woke up to what sounded like either the TARDIS console malfunctioning, or a middle-aged man screaming in perfect pitch. Now, given, that she’d been traveling with the Doctor for a while now, it could be either and she wouldn’t be the least bit surprised one way or the other. 

But, she had to figure out what infernal creature was causing the noise. Her curiosity dragged her out of the room- that the TARDIS had found her when she’d mentioned needing a nap- and started her journey down the halls. Which, helpfully, lit up with trailing blue fluorescents, almost like an aeroplane aisle.

The further she got to the main console, the louder it got, until she had to cover her eyes with both hands, frowning before stepping out into the large room and looking up to see what was the matter.

“Doctor, what-”

The Doctor couldn’t seem to hear her over the noises coming from whatever sound system the TARDIS had. 

If Yaz had to guess, she’d say the Doctor was  _dancing_. A mess of waving limbs and tousled hair, dancing strides around the TARDIS circular console, occasionally mouthing along to what Yaz assumed were alien lyrics to an alien song.

She realized, with a start, that she was  _smiling._ Fondly, and gently, but smiling nonetheless. 

Alright, she could admit that the Doctor’s bizarre idea of dancing was a little endearing...

“Doctor!” She tried again, pulling her sleeves over her hands to better muffle the sound. This time, she caught the Doctor’s attention. 

The blonde grinned her bright scrunchy grin, stopping her spinning and waving to greet Yaz with that happy expression. 

“Oh! Music!” The Doctor realized in an instant, whipping around to press something on the console that lowered the music, a great relief to both Yaz’s ears and sanity. “Hiya, Yaz,”

“What on Earth are you listening to?” Yaz gave a breathy laugh, lowering her hands to step up onto the platform. 

“Well, first off,” the Doctor started, holding up one finger. “We’re actually closer to the Montague Quadrant than anything else-”

There was something so  _her_  about that- Yaz gave a lighthearted chuckle, settling both arms across her chest. 

“And  _this_  is a classic!” The Doctor made a wide gesture with her arms, as if trying to refer to the sound waves in the air. 

“This?” Yaz raised her eyebrows, unable to stop the warm endearment in her voice. 

“Galaxy’s number one music choice!” 

“Not sure if I’d call it music,” Yaz mumbled, crossing by her to lean on the console, watching the Doctor with a tilted smile. 

The other gave a little twirl, obviously back to enjoying herself with her music. Upon realizing Yaz had stayed by the console, she perked a little, extending a hand. 

“Come on, don’t just stand there!”

This was about when Yaz realized there was nothing that expectant and hopeful look  _couldn’t_  make her do. Nothing the Doctor couldn’t talk her into. 

After all, she loved the Doctor so much- she’d even dance to awful music with her.


	5. Taking Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been drunk/seen anyone who is drunk so I trust google on this! 
> 
> Prompt via tumblr: "Thasmin Prompt: after returning home from an adventure, it turns out 13 came in contact with a plant that when touched, simulates drunkenness & Yaz offers to take care of her. “OH! Yaz’s Mum?! Yaz & I! Definitely seeing each other, just FY... I right?”"

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

She and Yaz were alone now, after dropping off Graham and Ryan. And although their adventure had been fun- a drop-in to the grand opening of a beautiful arboretum on a science planet established in the late year of 3000-, the Doctor was starting to feel…  _off_.

She had one hand gripped like iron on the edge of the circular console, the other balancing on one of the many levers. Her head had already started to spin, her mind filled with cotton. 

 At Yasmin’s inquiry, she turned her head, giving the other a bright smile. “Oh, me? I’m fine. Always fine. Never not fine. In fact,” the blonde spun around to lean her back against the console, both hands now keeping her anchored in place as she wavered. “I’m perfect.”

But if there was one thing Yasmin Khan was good at, it was noticing when something was not right. Especially when the Doctor, the cutest alien in all of history, was being a little too whimsical in her inhibitions. 

“You don’t look well” Yaz started, a concerned furrow to her brow as she crossed closer to the Doctor, one hand slightly raised as if to be ready for a sway in her step. “I think-” 

The Doctor took a single step forward- a massive mistake- and immediately her stability faltered, and she dipped toward Yasmin with a short yelp-

Instantly she was caught by ready hands- face buried in the other girl’s shoulder, bodies pressed together and supported.

Yaz’s hands slid up to her shoulders, steadying her and holding her upright. 

“Oh!” The Doctor cried suddenly, giving Yaz a jump, before producing a lopsided smile, and blinking. “Were we hugging? I like hugs. Funny, I feel all spinny, like a top,” 

Yasmin let the Doctor ramble, putting it all together. She’d seen plenty of DUIs before. Alien planet, unknown plants- add to that the Doctor running about poking everything- something was  _bound_  to happen. 

“Alright, that’s it, you’re drunk.” Yasmin said decidedly, peering into the Doctor’s glassy-bright eyes. “Or- something. I don’t know. But I’m taking you home.”

One arm around the rather woozy, gleeful Doctor, Yasmin lead her girl back to her flat. 

* * *

 

“I’ve brought the Doctor,” she called to the quiet house, guiding the blonde through the door. “She’s, uh, she’s a little unsteady…”

Almost instantly, Najia appeared through the doorway of another room, greeting the girls with a warm smile. 

“She alright?” Najia asked, walking over and putting a hand on the Doctor’s shoulder, as the Time-Lady perked up and tilted her head.

“Yaz’s mum! My favorite mum!” She exclaimed, pulling away from Yasmin to give Najia a rather big hug, before tilting back and nearly toppling into a nearby cabinet. 

“Doc-” 

Yaz moved to intercept her inebriated companion. For about the tenth time tonight, with a look of concern and shock, Yaz prevented the Doctor from falling into something potentially dangerous. 

“You’re a handful, you know that?” She berated, minding the Doctor’s instinct to tilt her head onto Yaz’s shoulder. 

“Let’s get her sitting down, shall we?” Najia suggested, and Yaz gave a nod of agreement before they lead the Doctor to the couch- at which she laughed and flopped over, mumbling something about purple sofas.

The mother and daughter shared a look, something of a concerned confusion, before Najia broke a small smile. 

“Fun night out with your girlfriend?” Her mother raised her eyebrows, setting both hands on her hips in a teasing manner. Yaz’s cheeks flushed a rosy-red, scrunching her nose in a subconscious recoil of embarrassment.

“Mum! Stop it!”

“Stop what?” Najia laughed, glancing at the Doctor to confirm she was still on the couch.

“Girlfriend?” The Doctor picked up, and Yaz’s eyes widened. “Yaz and I! Definitely seeing each other. To answer your question.” 

Her words were slurred and drabbly, but filled with a brightness that made Yaz blush even deeper. 

“She doesn’t know what she’s talking about, mum, best to leave her be,” Yaz said after a moment, stepping over to sit down next to the Doctor, placing a hand on her forehead. “I’ll take care of her.”

Najia just rolled her eyes, stepping away. 

“Lovers these days…”


	6. Time Together

“Seriously, Yaz, you need to ask her out.”

She looked up from her cup of tea, eyes wide. 

“Who- What do you mean?” Yaz quipped, defensively, knowing  _exactly_  what Ryan meant.

“It’s so obvious! I mean, you complement her every day, you’re always talking to her-” He started to list to list them on his fingers until Yaz stopped him, blushing a rosy red hue. 

“I don’t like her! I just…  _admire_  her.”

“Oh, come on Yaz,” Ryan scoffed with a friendly smile. “We both know-”

He stopped abruptly at the trademark sound of a whirring, pulsing engine outside. They shared an excited smile, before standing to rush out the door.

* * *

“Hello, you three!” The Doctor swung the twin blue doors open with one grand gesture, stepping out onto the pavement with her coat whooshing behind her. 

“Morning, Doc,” Graham gave her a wave.

“Oh, it is, isn’t it,” she mumbled, casting a look up to the sky where the sun was just peaking over clouds low in the sky. “Well, full day ahead, come on!” 

The Doctor began to circle back toward the TARDIS’s open doors, but Graham called out, causing her to stop and turn about again with a tilt of her head.

“Actually, Ryan and I have got to sit out this one,” he explained, apologetically.

“Besides, it’s about time you two got to spend some quality time with each other,” Ryan gave a blushing Yaz a little nudge with his elbow. 

“Oh, alright,” the Doctor nodded, turning to Yaz and extending a hand “Shall we?”

Yaz stepped forward, throwing Ryan and Graham a quietly mouthed ‘thank you!’ before disappearing alongside the Doctor through the TARDIS doors, smiling brightly as ever.


	7. Pain

The last thing they heard before the loud whirr of the TARDIS engine was a whoosh of air, a  _slam_ \- and lasers pattering against the ship’s shields. 

“The parametric engines, Yaz!” They learned quick- the companions- racing to get the ship the  _hell_  off of this planet. And at the Doctor’s call, Yasmin bolted up to the circular console, pushing down on a heavy lever.

Instantly, the TARDIS shook and groaned- smoothing only after a sharp ping and heave of her engines. They were in flight, and out of danger.

There was a paused, and then everyone could sigh. 

“That was fun, eh?” Graham managed a laugh, giving Ryan a push on his shoulder as the two stood, nearly doubled over and out of breath. 

“Fun?” Ryan raised an eyebrow, moving to support himself on the console as Yaz looked up at one of the many screen displays. “Dunno if I’d call that  _fun_.”

Another pause. 

Yaz looked up, turning. The Doctor had been  _awful_  silent.

“Doctor,” she started, eyes settling on her friend’s shape- standing almost frozen in the doorway. “What-”

The blonde’s lips parted, eyes glassy- and suddenly, she faltered, one hand going to her stomach in a flash- 

And then she was on the floor, grappling for hold as Yaz bolted for her.

Before Ryan and Graham could realize what happened, the two were a tangle- Yaz trying to hold the Doctor still while she thrashed away in pain. 

“What happened-!” Ryan cried, unanswered as Yaz pulled off the Doctor’s jacket, revealing the seared burn sustained by the Time-Lady.

“Ryan, get a kit! Something useful!” Yaz’s voice was emotional, like a burning fire- on the verge of cracking. 

The Doctor fell still for a brief moment. Yaz’s mind flashed to panic. But just like that, she was panting in pain again- a panicked mess as Yaz struggled with her on the steps to the console.

“Hey, you’re going to be alright,” Yasmin tried. She’d positioned the Doctor’s head on her lap, brushing blonde hair out of her eyes. “You’re alright, I promise,”

“She got shot...” Graham mumbled quickly as he kneeled next to the pair with an expression knit in worry “They shot the Doctor... those damn aliens...”

“ _I am an alien!_ ” The Doctor shot suddenly, giving them both a jump.

“Hey, hush, you’re fine,” but just as soon as Yaz started to murmur to her, the Doctor yelped in pain, curling closer to Yasmin and wrapping both hands over her middle. 

“Graham, go help Ryan,” Yasmin told him, and he didn’t question her. 

Her attention flicked back to the pained Doctor. 

“It’s alright, you’ll be alright,” She leaned down slightly, brushing the Doctor’s hair and murmuring soft encouragements. “We’ll take care of you,”

“Yaz,” the Doctor shook her head among the writhes of pain. “Yaz, I don’t want to go, not yet,”

Yasmin’s eyes widened, a new layer of panic. “You’re right here.” She whispered. 

“No, not yet, I haven’t had enough time,” but she wasn’t speaking to Yasmin- her eyes were distant, her cheeks glowing with a faint light. 

Yaz’s breath caught. “What’d you mean, huh? You’re right here, you’ll be alright,” there was a nervous laugh buried in her worry. She quickly remembered the wound- and pulled off her jacket, holding it against the seared injury. “I’m right here, I promise,”

Her eyes were no longer glassy, but dull- with pain and fear. “I don’t want to go, Yaz, not yet,”

Yasmin ducked her head, pressing a quick but soft kiss against the Doctor’s lips. The glow was gone, just like that, as Ryan and Graham rushed back in to the room with gained help. “You’re going to be alright.”


	8. Stardust

She was soft, nearly two-thousand years of starlight and brilliance, diamond-worn will and steel determination, but soft all the same.

A galaxy of kisses decorated her skin, her eyes full of stars and planetary light that gazed upon Yasmin with so much affection, much more than anyone had ever seen her with.

Those eyes, they’d seen years and years of torment, of death, of pain. But all she saw when she looked into the eyes of the Doctor was softness. 

_For her._

They were nestled against each other like planets in perfect interstellar alliance. A warm, sunlight glow filled the quiet room, almost-but-not-quite like the sun beyond the stars outside of the ship. 

She was the brightest thing in the room, however, with her little smile and the way her nose wrinkled when she did so. The pure adoration as they held each other, the pure worship of the other’s presence.

_This was love._

The blonde nestled closer to Yasmin’s chest, letting Yaz place feather-light kisses all over her hair, her ear, just below her jaw and between her collarbones, where her head arched back at the ticklish feeling of plush lips against her blushed skin. 

There was so much she wanted to say. So much they both wanted to say.

Yasmin caught her breath as her partner raised her head, brushing rosy lips together and pressing foreheads against each other’s. 

 _“I love you,”_  Yasmin breathed.

 _“I love you too,”_  the Doctor responded, and a smile melted over her lips.

Delicate fingers danced over Yasmin’s bare skin, tracing constellations from thousands years past. A spider’s web of star systems and comets, their dashing paths through the exosphere and beyond- and through it all, the pair of them, traveling side by side, seeing all the world had to see.

Yasmin saw stars, but only in their future. In the paths that blazed among the stellar dust, the affection that pulsed between them as strong as the glasswork nebulas that spiraled, watercolors of the universe, across all things known.

And then they were together, warmth shared between them drawing her back to the present. 

They were whole, in each other’s arms.


	9. Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to the drunk prompt <3

When she opened her eyes, for a moment, she’d forgotten everything that happened. And then, like a rush of adrenaline- it all hit her. 

She blinked, and shifted. She had something heavy in her lap where she’d fallen asleep on the couch, the scent of spices and mint reminding her of a certain Time Lord….

And there she was, sleeping peacefully. The Doctor’s head in Yaz’s lap, her cheeks a pale rose- a healthy color compared to the drunken pallor of her complexion the previous night.

Yaz smiled. She was a handful, the Doctor, but Yaz wouldn’t rather be taking care of anyone else. Who else would prevent her alien companion from making stupid mistakes after being intoxicated by a mysterious plant?

Just then, the Doctor stirred, eyelids fluttering and lips parting as she murmured something soft and too quiet to make out.

Yaz felt a wave of panic, unsure what to do in this compromising situation- the Doctor asleep in her lap, the two of them so close together-

“Oh, good morning Yaz,” the Doctor smiled up at her then, eyes brightening as she gazed up at her companion. “Is it morning? I can’t remember…”

“It is,” Yaz assured her. “You slept all night,” she added with a breathy laugh, at which the Doctor frowned.

“We’re in your flat…” she noted, shifting out of Yasmin’s lap as if that was a  _normal, platonic, friend thing to do_. “How’d we get here?”

“You were, uh, drunk-ish,” Yaz tried, and the explanation felt right, so she went on. “You were acting a little odd, so I took you home.”

The Doctor tilted her head, smile still bright, much to Yaz’s surprise. 

Her internal gay panic was on red alert, sure that at  _some_  moment the Doctor would call her out, tell her she had gone too far. 

But she didn’t.

“Thank you, Yasmin.” The Doctor leaned forward then, soft blonde hair falling out of place as she planted a delicate kiss on Yaz’s cheek. “For everything.”


	10. Blind Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is for u, carmen

“You need to get out of the house more often,” 

Yaz looked up. 

“What’d you mean?” She frowned, a little taken aback by her mother’s comment, her tone taking a defensive turn almost instantly. “I get out of the house! I have a  _job_!”  _Unlike some people in this house_ , she refrained from adding.

“I’m sending you on a blind date. You need to  _meet_  people, Yasmin, not just stay home all the time when you aren’t working.” Najia crossed the room to sit across from Yaz on the sofa. And although there was a look of concern in her mother’s expression, there was something else- a twinkle of mischievousness that set Yaz off.

“Fine, if you  _really_  want me to,” she started, “I’ll go on your blind date.”

 

* * *

 

The café was peacefully quiet, glass-top tables warmed from late morning sun. Yaz wasn’t sure about this, about  _any_  of it. Despite her attempts to wear down her anxiety by assuring herself this meeting would go  _okay_  at the least, she still felt sharp pangs of anxiety whenever her mind snapped back to the event at hand.

_Blind date._

_Thanks mum._

She looked up, scanning the faces around her before settling back down into her chair, afraid she’d caught the gaze of her date, making things  _incredibly_ awkward before they’d even begun.

Before she had a chance to let her imagination get the best of her, a familiar tone caught her attention.

“Yaz? Is that you?”

 _Doctor_?

Yaz shot up.  _No way_.

Sure enough, as soon as Yasmin stood, there she was- scrunchy-faced smile and all, bright yellow suspenders, rainbow-lined coat. A bright beacon among unfamiliar faces.

 _But that meant_ …

“D-Did my mum call you?” She blurted, too shocked about the probable answer to think it through.

“Yeah! ‘Course she did. We talk all the time.” The Doctor paced around to the other chair, sitting herself down all casual-like. “I should warn you, I’m not good at dates.”

Yaz’s mind faltered. Gay panic. 

As soon as she realized how stupid she probably looked right now, she sat- wishing she could cover her quickly brightening cheeks.

“But I am good with girls, or so I’ve been told,” the Doctor continued, tapping the table with one hand. “I like girls. And you, I like you, so this should be fun!”

“I like you too,” Yaz managed through her flustered panic, the words spilling out in a blur. 

The Doctor only kept smiling, a regard full of fondness. “That’s good, us liking each other. Dates are pretty awkward if people don’t like each other.”

Yaz let out a breath. She was on a date with her biggest crush- she had no reason to be so anxious.

Silently, she thanked her mom, for noticing her daughter’s gay panic. Otherwise, she would never have said a word about it.


	11. Close

It was halfway through the TARDIS’s night cycle when the knocking started, causing Yaz to pull herself out of bed, mumbling something about expecting to get better sleep in a time machine.

She opened the door, eyes adjusting to the low-light of the TARDIS hallway, blinking as she stared at the Doctor’s tired form.

“What…?” She spoke slowly, but not with irritancy- a genuine concern in her tone. If the Doctor was waking her up  _this_  ‘late’, it had to be important.

The Doctor gave a whining sigh. “ _Cramps_.” She managed, and Yaz couldn’t help but give a sympathetic smile. 

“Come on,” she prompted, reaching out to place an arm around her girlfriend’s shoulders and guiding her into the room. “You’ll be alright.”

As soon as the two were nestled in the bed together, Yaz’s arms were around the Doctor, holding her close, rubbing gentle circles on her lower back, and peppering the occasional kisses onto her forehead.

She fell asleep there, Yaz holding her close. The paint drifted away, melting into a euphoric affection as she let herself fall asleep. 

Yasmin could hear her breathing slow, her expression softening. 

She, too, fell asleep- holding her Doctor close, into a worry-free sleep.


	12. Wishes

“ _Are you two seeing each other?_ ”

The question caught them both off-guard. The Doctor looked up, regarding Najia with wide, unsure eyes. She looked to Yaz, the other girl equally in a state of confusion. They caught each-other’s gaze, the Doctor opening her mouth but no response coming to mind, despite her usual quick-on-her-feet demeanor. It seems, when faced with the problem of a cute human girl, she ceased to be able to think properly.

“I don’t…. think so… are we?” The Doctor said after a moment of frozen silence as she met Yaz’s gaze. 

Yasmin gave a light scoff, almost catching the words in her throat. “I  _wish_.”

They both realized what she said and once more were caught in a crossfire of “say something!” looks directed at the other.

Had the Doctor had any sense about her, she would have brushed Yaz off. This wasn’t the time, not the place, to be discussing her massive crush on the other. 

“Let’s… discuss this later, yeah?” The Doctor finally spoke, looking to Najia’s rather smug smile, and then to Yaz again. “But for the record, Yaz, I wish we were together too.” She added with a wink, and then she was off again- mind racing through the task at hand, leaving Yaz in a daze of flustered confusion.


	13. Porgs!

Wind whipped the Doctor’s coat around her ankles, sending her hood snapping back off of her head. She had both arms wrapped around herself, and her sonic safely stashed in her pack. Her boots, not made for the slippery stone steps on which the team was trekking, kept sliding up, causing her to nearly loose footing. 

“You alright down there?!” She turned her head and yelled downwind, eyes flicking over her wind-beaten companions. Yaz, closest to her, looked up and gave a grimacing nod.

Ryan was behind her, Graham close at his heels to steady him if he fell. Over their adventures, Ryan had gotten better at traversing stairs- so much that when the Doctor proposed this remote sea planet, he only worried half as much as she expected.

“Why’s it got to be this windy?” Yaz groaned, barely audible over the roaring sea-spray. “Why can’t we just go to a summer planet? Vacation planet!”

“It’s fun!” The Doctor exclaimed, giving a pause to grip a jagged rock to her right, looking up to the further sets of stairs, before giving a confident sigh and continuing upward.

* * *

“Now, this is fun, isn’t it?”

The pitter-patter of rain bounced across the stone flats outside of the cave, filling the mostly empty space with white noise. 

“I’m  _soaking_.” Yaz commented from the opposite side of the small fire they’d made. 

“But it was worth it, ey?” The Doctor nudged Graham’s elbow with a grin. “Some real great views up here!”

Quiet fell, leaving the Doctor quite antsy. She began to hum, softly, rocking a little and tapping her toes on the stone. 

The more she hummed, the more the sound seemed to grow- like something was joining in, with a soft and warbled drone.

“Hey, Doc, there isn’t anything else in here with us, is there?” Graham spoke suddenly, and the Doctor paused, looking up.

“Native wildlife, maybe,” she responded, starting to stand. 

A yelp from Ryan caused her to shoot up, grabbing for her sonic and pointing it directly at-!

A… tiny orange and white puffball.

It looked like a miniature penguin, with massive eyes and short stubby wings. It trilled a loud call, and flapped it’s wings.

The Doctor’s look melted into a bright smile. “Oh, it’s a Porg!” She cried, rushing up to scoop the thing up in her hands. It jumped a little, but was lifted on the Doctor’s palms as she eyed the thing.

“Uhm, a what?” Yaz scooted away from Ryan and the now standing Doctor.

“A Porg! Lovely little things!” The thing nuzzled the Doctor’s nose, causing her to giggle and scrunch her nose. “Where’re your friends, buddy?” She said as it settled into her palms. “Where’s your family?”

She looked around, kneeling to place the Porg by the fire before passing the corners of the cave. 

“Guess he’s the only one, poor fellow,” Graham gave it a pat on the head, at which it cooed and hopped up onto his lap.

“Well,” the Doctor turned back to her friends and their newly found companion. “He’s welcome to stay with us!”

* * *

It’d been a week since their trip to the stormy island. 

Yaz pushed open the blue doors, stepping in to the TARDIS with a whoosh. 

She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped short at the _overwhelmingly adorable_  sight before her.

The Doctor, sat before the circular console, practically  _covered_  in fluffy little Porgs. They had nested underneath the console, in her pockets- and were cooing and trilling loud enough to fill the whole room.

And the Doctor just grinned at her, waving. 

“These are my new friends!” 

Yaz sighed.  _Of course she would._


	14. Girlfriend

“Your girlfriend is weird.”

Yaz shot her a dirty look. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

Sonya scoffed, leaning forward and looking down at her phone.

“Yeah, then why where you making out with her last week?”

Yasmin felt her face turn hot. “You saw that?” She said slowly, hesitantly.

Sonya smirked. “You don’t exactly hide it, y’know, you two.” 

Yaz refused to answer, instead pacing toward the door with a flushed face and a jumping heart. “I’m heading out.”

“To see your girlfriend?” Sonya mused, and Yaz could almost see the teasing smile.

Yaz pulled the door open. “She’s not my girlfriend!” And slammed it shut.

* * *

“Hey babe,” the Doctor greeted her through the TARDIS doors, hugging her by the waist and nearly sweeping her through the entryway. 

They met in a kiss. Soft, but passionate, full of adoration- and yearning. Yaz had no idea how long it’d been since the Doctor saw her. For Yaz, it’d only been a day.

The doors closed behind them, their soft laughs bouncing off of the walls as they embraced.

“I’m so glad you’re my girlfriend,” the Doctor murmured.

“Me too.”


	15. Curls and Daisies

Yaz  _could not_  keep her hands off of the Doctor’s hair. Whenever they had down time together, they were cuddling- Yaz carding her fingers through the other’s soft locks, giving her cute hairstyles or just brushing it out of her face. 

And just like now- the two of them sat together, the Doctor’s head in Yaz’s lap as she looked through an old-looking book written in some alien language- Yaz brushed the blonde’s hair with her fingers, rubbing circles under her ears and down her scalp, eliciting the occasional content sigh from the Doctor.

“You’re  _lovely_ ,” Yaz murmured, softly and not particularly on purpose. Her own internal monologue spilled out in affection-filled words. 

The Doctor placed the book on her chest, looking up at Yaz from where she lay with her adorable smile- scrunchy nose and all. 

“You should curl your hair, you know,” she continued, idly playing with her girlfriend’s hair. 

“Only if I get to braid yours,” the Doctor countered, and Yaz gave a little laugh.

“Of course.”

“Oh, we can go to Dormar, they have meadows there, and the best daisy fields you’ll see in the universe!” Seeming to have forgotten her book, the Doctor spread her arms to her sides, making some wide gestures. “I’d love to bring you there.” 

 _And I could spend forever with you,_  Yaz thought, but didn’t speak- instead savoring the moment.

“Can’t wait.”


	16. Overcast Dreams

It was Yaz’s day off- and overcast.

She hadn’t bothered to change out of a comfy pair of shorts and a soft sweatshirt, and was curled up by the window, watching rain patter against the glass. Why couldn’t the Doctor show up  _now_ , whisk her away to some sunshine planet? 

“Yaz,” Najia’s voice broke through her slightly gay fantasy. “Are you still moping about?” 

Yaz gave a little sigh, but didn’t look over. “What else am I supposed to do? It’s raining out and I’ve got nowhere  _else_  to go.”

“Why can’t you call up one of your friends? Go hang out with Ryan or the Doctor!” She could hear Najia shuffling around the room, putting things back in their places or picking up after Sonya. “I do love it when you bring the Doctor around. Such a nice lady.”

Yaz smiled, although to herself. She knew how much her mother approved of Yaz’s little crush on the Doctor. Not that she’d ever act on it- her anxiety getting the best of her every time the other got close to her.

“Yeah,” Yasmin mumbled, and pulled her hood up, leaning against the arm of the couch and doing her best to drown out her mother’s continued chiding of her.

She watched the rain, the beautiful patterns of waterfall, until a familiar whirring grew from outside like the purring of a loud engine.

She shot up.

“I’m heading out!” Yaz called to her mother in a rush, leaving the other with a fond frown.

“Have fun,” Najia tried, but Yaz was already gone.


	17. Arabesque

The sorrowful yet hopeful tones of an E Minor key drifted through the TARDIS’s large main room, echoing off of crystalline beams and the metallic sheen of the circular console. 

The low, almost hazy light of the room left the Time-Lord in a rather dreamy sense of peace. It was lovely, except that she was alone- and any second alone was better off spent with someone she cared about.

No,  _loved_.

That beautiful, soft hair, that she could play with and braid forever- soft lips and even softer kisses, the way she held her and all the warm feelings that filled her chest. All those indescribable feelings she hadn’t felt in so long...

She swayed in her step, pacing to the opposite side of the console to push up on a slider, the music becoming the room itself as the stepped away and let herself move in the beautiful sound.

That was also when she felt an adoring gaze on her back, and a gentle smile filled her expression.

“Arabesque No. 1,” the Doctor said aloud. “One of Claude Debussy’s most beautiful pieces.” She turned, her coat swishing behind her, settling her gaze on the only thing in the room more lovely than the song in the air.

 _Yasmin_.

“Lovely man, Claude, interesting love life...” She caught herself rambling, letting her words fade to nothing. _Live in the moment_.

Yaz didn’t speak as she stepped up onto the platform, reaching out her arms to meet the Doctor, the two of them enveloping the other in a loose embrace. The Doctor leaned forward, closing the space between them and pressing their foreheads together as Yaz guided them in a wavering slow-dance.

“I love you,” was all Yasmin seemed to manage, a level of clear sincerity in her lilting words.

The Doctor hummed, Yaz’s fingers brushing down her hips sending shivers up her spine and into her heart.

“I love you too,”

And so they danced together, to the sound of arabesque melodies.


	18. With Her

****

She didn’t like it, this inevitably that  _someone_  would eventually bring it up, ask questions she wasn’t prepared to answer. The ever-growing elephant in the room, getting bigger every moment of silence that passed. 

How was she going to explain that dusty amber glow, the one she was certain she’d been letting off in those fleeting moments before the shock of a kiss pulled her over the precipice of destruction?

And how was she going to explain why  _that_  of all things could save her, when nothing else before could?

The Time-Lord could already feel her subdural and subcutaneous layers rebuilding under the bandages Yaz had applied. She was thankful for the help, but in all honesty, didn’t entirely need the extra layer, seeing as her species anatomy already covered for external wounds and healing. 

Graham and Ryan had left already- they’d already landed in Sheffield- but Yaz remained, sitting cross-legged leaning on one of the supporting beams, while the Doctor was fiddling with some switches on the console, trying to busy herself until Yaz left.

Was this anxiety? Oh, she didn’t like anxiety at all.

“So, ahm,” the Doctor spoke aloud, clearing her through and pausing her fidgeting to lean against the console. “I suppose we should talk about…”

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” Yaz said as the Doctor trailed off, and she could hear her standing, pacing a little closer. “I’m just glad you’re alright.”

The Doctor felt her cheeks flush. “I just never wanted that to happen in front of any of you.” She spoke, choosing not to respond to Yaz’s apology just yet. Her stupid gay crush wouldn’t let her.

“What  _did_  happen?”

There it was. 

The Doctor took a breath in, turning and stepping closer to Yaz to take of her hands in her own, Yaz’s smaller hands fitting in hers nicely.

“Time-Lords don’t  _die_  like humans do. We have a cycle of lives, of regenerations. 12 of them.” She took a moment to pull one hand away, pressing her thumb to her chest with a quirked smile. “I’m number 14.”

Though the look in Yasmin’s eyes was intrigued and a little confused, she didn’t look lost, and so the Doctor continued. “Humans have helix DNA, and  _we_  have  _triple_  helixes. Every bit of us is made differently, letting us have much longer lives than any of you on Earth. When we get fatally injured, we can regenerate to avoid death… we glow, like supernova stars.”

And at that she let herself flicker to a mourning smile, remember all of her past faces, the lives she’d left behind. Those who were killed without choice, those who welcomed change, those who just didn’t want to go, and those who held on until the last moment.

“We can choose not to regenerate, but that would simply be an artful suicide. Though through pure will… sometimes we can pull out of it. We can heal ourselves to the point of survival.”

She took a breath, and Yaz spoke softly, understandingly. 

“You didn’t want to go.”

“No, I didn’t.” The Doctor tried to ward of the pains of remembering that moment. “Each one of us,” she tapped her chest, “are an individual. Before I met you, I was not the same. It was me, the Doctor, but he had his own life, his own being, his own mind. And I wasn’t… ready to leave you, Yaz. I wasn’t ready to leave any of you. It’s never been easy to let go, but I’m not  _ready_. I want more. More time with you.

“I love you, Yaz, you  _wonderful_  human. And I never want to leave you again. I know, eventually, I have to. I have so many lives left to live, and I’m afraid of living them without you. I know this is so much at once, but I’m glad I can say it to you. I’m not leaving anytime soon, Yasmin.”


	19. Oblivious

The Doctor was  _distracted_.

Ryan could tell. If there was one thing he could do well, it wasn’t climbing ladders or running in straight lines, it was telling when someone wasn’t on top of their game.

Today, the Doctor was not.

It started with a little mistake. They were well on their way to mid-century France when she flicked the wrong switch and the entire system panicked. She fixed it in moments, assuring the group with a quirky remark.

But then it was landing in the wrong destination, and worrying to herself about this and that- and Ryan shouldered Graham.

“Think she’s alright?”

He gave Ryan a glance. “I dunno, she seems pretty all over the place.”

It took a third mistake for Ryan to realize  _what_  exactly was making her all frazzled.

Those sparing looks at Yaz full of affection, blushing cheeks and hidden smiles- he should have seen it before. Especially with Yaz’s change in hairstyle. He did admit it was pretty, her leaving it curly and full of waves. But the Doctor was a disaster when faced with a pretty girl, even if Yaz didn’t notice. 

“I think she’s got a crush,” Ryan shot over to Graham once more, watching the Doctor pace around the console in an anxious manner, hands fidgeting in her pockets. 

“You’d have to be blind not to notice it.” Graham replied with a knowing smile.

Ryan glanced back to Yasmin, who was standing with her arms crossed a little  bit away, her gaze flitting around the room, oblivious. 

“Yeah, blind, or Yaz.”


	20. Winded

There were no grand gestures, no romantic flowers and emotional speeches- just a Time-Lord kneeling in the ethereal light of the TARDIS engine, eyes bright as galaxies, full of earnest and adoration, holding out a ring.

And, of course, a human, blushing with box hands clasped over her mouth, gazing down at her lover with teary eyes full of excitement, shock, and unfathomable joy.

The Doctor’s lips parted, not breaking eye contact for a moment.

“Yaz, Yasmin,  _darling,”_

She took a breath, but Yasmin nodded, throwing her hands out to pull the Doctor into a passionate kiss.

“Yes,” she spoke breathily as they pulled apart. “Nothing would make me happier than to marry you.”

The Doctor’s eyes brightened- if it was even possible to be brighter than starshine- and she leaned forward to press their foreheads together. 

But just in that same moment, the TARDIS doors opened with a whoosh- and the both of them looked up, surprised.

The doors never opened for anyone other than the Doctor, and whoever it decided to let in. So who-

“I knew it!” 

Yaz didn’t know whether to groan, or laugh. Keeping one arm around the Doctor’s waist, she turned to watch her mother take several steps into the TARDIS, hands on her hips and watching the two with a sassy, but proud, grin.

“I knew you two…” Najia paused, and Yaz cracked a grin. Her mother looked around, blinked. “Were…” Her eyes widened, words faltering into a gasp. “Oh!”

Yaz nodded, stepping away from the Doctor for a moment. “Breathe, mum, it’s a lot to take in.”

“It’s bigger on the inside-” Najia seemed out of breath, gesturing around vaguely. “Than it is on the outside…”

“You’ll get used to it,” Yaz prompted, reaching out a hand to steady her as she swayed. But the shock of it all- this mysterious blue box and her daughter being proposed to- was too much, and Najia made a fall to the ground before Yaz caught her. 

“She alright?” The Doctor called as she walked over.

“Yeah,” Yaz smiled back. “Just needs a moment.”

They shared a grin. 

“Welcome to the family, Doctor.”


	21. Chilly Mornings

It was only right that she share a bed with the Doctor in that motel, Ryan and Graham taking the other one. But even if it worked out, Yaz was panicking on the inside.

By the time she’d settled down, the Doctor was still scribbling away at the walls. She’d covered much of the room by now, and Yaz decided she’d best leave her be. It was no use trying to convince an alien Time-Lord to stop frantically working and go to bed. Hell, did she even sleep?

Yaz didn’t linger on it. At least she didn’t have to worry about being so close to her crush... to the stunningly beautiful alien before her now, muttering about something and running one hand through her short, silky hair. 

“Goodnight,” Yaz called softly, as to not wake Graham and Ryan.

The Doctor paused, looking over her shoulder- and in the dim lamplight, Yaz could see the curve of a smile across her rosed lips.

“Goodnight, Yaz.”

* * *

 

When she woke up, she felt warm. 

And not like ‘I’m wearing a sweater’ warm, an ‘I feel protected’ warm, which at first alarmed her, mostly because she’d never felt that before.

It spread through her chest and across her cheeks, and filled her with a comfort and sense of peace she’d forgotten could ever exist.

And there was something else. 

She was being held. Close, and gentle, a skin against skin sending sparks through her body. And she was  _happy_.

She let out a content hum, turning a little and pressing back into the warmth.

“Good morning,”

She felt her heart skip a beat.

“Good morning, Doctor,” Yaz responded softly. Despite all the panic in her head, her words were soft-spoken. 

“Feeling better?”

“I-” Yaz started, “I feel  _great_. Why do you ask?”

She felt the Doctor shift, and Yaz moved in turn so they were facing each other, the Doctor’s hands pulling her hips closer so their bodies were flush together.

“You were shivering,” the Doctor murmured, and gave a little frown. Her blonde hair was tousled, out of place, and too perfect not to touch. Yaz reached up and pushed it out of her eyes, running both hands through the other’s soft hair. “‘Can’t have a universe with a cold Yaz.”

Yasmin gave a gentle laugh. “No, we can’t.” 

The Doctor bit her lip, eyes flitting over Yaz’s face. 

Yaz didn’t wait another moment before leaning forward, and catching her in a slow kiss.


	22. Ecstasy

She remembers the previous night in vivid and radiant detail. The memories, like her, come in flashes of passion. Even now, she feels her cheeks flush at the thought of those shared moments of ecstasy. The warmth of breath on her cheek, the seconds spent like eons of overflowing contentment and thrill. 

And, of course, she remembers the angelic presence who, along with herself, indulged in these exhilarations foreign to the other woman. She took her hand and guided her through all of it, and in the end, together they fell asleep in a bliss-induced high. 

But no- she sharply reprimands herself- that  _can’t_  have been real because the Doctor would never be interested in  _her_  of all people. It was a dream. Last night was long, and after the day’s adventures, she must have been too exhausted to remember going to bed and instead her dream became her perception of reality.

But it was just that. A dream. 

She looks to her left. In a heated flash, she remembers the feeling of pressing her into that side of the mattress, dipping down to grace colorful kisses along her collarbone. But it is now empty, and cold, the fleeting wisps of warmth from her alone. 

She steps out of the bed, letting the messy sheets idle as she pads out in nothing but a comfy, long sweater, and knitted socks. The halls of the TARDIS by now feel like home, and so it isn’t long before she finds a kitchenette, and goes about making a nice cup of tea. She doesn’t have to go back to work for any number of days, not with the TARDIS being able to bring her whenever she wants. 

And yet, somehow, she wants to go back. She feels almost empty, without the warmth of another to embrace. Perhaps, if she returns home for a while, she won’t find this sinking isolation she feels when alone. 

And all the while Ryan and Graham chat with her, make her laugh and smile- there is something missing, and she thinks that if she were just to close that gap between her and the Doctor’s relationship, if she were to take that step...

She’s gripping the hem of her sweater now, and she forces herself to relax her hands. She wants to take someone’s hands in hers, and feel them fit together nicely. She wants to press her nose into someone’s soft hair, inhale the scents of sandalwood and honeycomb. She wants to love someone, fully, passionately, and honestly, and she wishes the Doctor could be the one.

 _She doesn’t love you_ , Yasmin tells herself with a jagged tone.  _Stop imagining. You’re alone._

Alone, she thinks, is how she is meant to be. Dreams aren’t oft achieved in the waking world, nor are they achievable by any means. Especially not this silly dream of hers, the flustered fantasy of a girl infatuated. 

She lets her head fall, and lets her eyes fall shut. 

An exhale. 

There is a moment of icy quiet, and then something warm and golden breaks through the barrier. Arms wrap around her waist, pulling her back into a loving hold- a familiar body falling into place around hers. 

“I’m sorry I had to leave early,” a familiar voice murmurs into her ear, nuzzling into the crook of her neck. “Are you cold? Come back to bed, love,”

And everything clicks into place as it should be, and suddenly Yasmin feels warm again. Hands interlaced, lips parted just so, eyes straying....

_This is how it was always meant to be._


	23. The Little Cosmonaut

The TARDIS shook and rumbled, nearly sending Yaz flying if the Doctor hadn’t grabbed her wrist at the last moment- pulling her closer to the console and steadying her stance. 

“What  _was_  that?” Yaz gasped, gripping the Doctor’s arm until the shaking stopped. 

“Something unexpected in the exosphere-!” The Time-Lord barely took notice to the human clinging to her arm as she looked wildly over her controls. “I’m getting odd reading, like the TARDIS is bouncing off satellite signals.”

Yaz released the Doctor, but stuck by her side as she looked over the array of gadgets, no idea what any of them meant. “What can I do to help?” She looked up at the Doctor. 

“Ah,” she gritted her teeth, side-stepping to the left to slam upwards on a lever. “If we aren’t careful, whatever it is will hit us head on, I’m not sure-”

Suddenly, the TARDIS doors slammed open, and the entire craft shook dangerously. Yaz stumbled back, hitting one of the columns and grabbing for give before there was a flash- and something large smashed into the TARDIS floor.

-

“Yaz, Yaz!”

Through the ringing and heavy scent of hazy steam, Yaz came to. She sat up, rubbed her forehead, and looked over to where the Doctor was calling to her. 

The blonde was kneeling over some kind of conical wreckage, helplessly prying at something through the rubble. 

“Help me get this open!”

Yasmin stumbled to her feet, joining the Doctor and reaching down to grab the edge of a circular port. It was solid metal, with hinges on one side and bolts lining the thing. It seemed to be the entrance to a pod-like rectangle fit into the wreckage. 

“On three,” Yaz told the Doctor. She counted up before they both gave a strong tug- and with a  _whoosh_  of air, the seal popped and send them both falling back on their bottoms. 

“Uhm...” Yaz groaned, once more pushing back to her feet. “Y’know, Doc, when you said ‘date night’ I didn’t think you meant  _this_...”

She stepped toward the capsule, glancing over as the Doctor stood up beside her. Together, they peered down at the capsule and....

A bright-eyed terrier with a panting tongue greeted them, looking from one to the other, shaking slightly as she wagged her tail in excitement.

“Oh my god,” Yaz breathed. “That’s her. That’s her, isn’t it? That’s Laika!” Slowly her voice got louder, until her eyes were wide with shock, mouth agape in something of a cheerful gasp. Suddenly though, her face dropped and she turned to the Doctor. “What’s she doing here?”

The Doctor tilted her head, shoving one hand in her pocket for her sonic before kneeling before the happy doggo. “Hi there, good girl,” she cooed. Raising one hand to distract Laika with ear scratches, she scanned the dog’s head, pulling away to then look at the results. Laika whined at the loss of her hand, and so she idly started petting her again. 

“She’s real.” The Doctor announced.

“What’d’you mean, she could’ve been wax or something?”

“You’d be surprised,” she pocketed her sonic again and reached into the circular opening of the capsule. Her nose crinkled, mouth open in momentary focus as she bit her teeth together. “She’s got harnesses,” the Doctor strained to speak as she fumbled around the confused dog. “Aaaaand, gotcha!” With a click, she grasped the dog from under the arms and tugged her free of her capsule. 

Laika wasn’t tiny, nor was she big. She was larger than a chihuahua, but could easily be tucked under one’s arm, balanced on one’s side. With terrier markings and a curly tail, she perfectly resembled the breed of her namesake. She wore a white and orange suit, with mesh on the outside and a nylon polymer that wrapped her body and chest. On her back, orange straps and buckles. She wore a thick cuff over her next, and as she squirmed the Doctor could feel metal wiring that snaked underneath the fabric across her back. 

“Hello sweetheart, did you have a nice flight?” The Doctor held her close, lifting her chin as the terrier craned her neck to lick kisses onto her neck. 

“But I thought she died,” Yaz murmured, stepping over to stroke her hand down Laika’s soft tail. 

“Apparently not.” The Doctor replied. “Fancy another companion in our travels?”

-

They’d spent the last twenty minutes taking Laika out of her suit. Her cuffed collar attached to electrodes in her chest, that trailed wires out of her shoulders. Yaz didn’t know a thing about animal medical care, but figured it couldn’t be too different from humans, and went about carefully removing the cuff and patching down the wires and electrodes until they could take her somewhere safe.

“They really did all this to her?” Yaz asked, eyes trained on the job in front of her as she eased bandages over a patch of freshly sewn skin on her neck. 

“Telemetrics.” The Doctor responded simply. She was sitting cross-legged across from Yaz and Laika, holding a cardboard box of dog treats and offering one to Laika every so often. The little cosmonaut didn’t whine, and instead wagged her tail and sniffed at Yaz’s hands and arms. She was polite, docile... the perfect test subject. 

“There you go,” Yaz pat her head, releasing her to pad around the TARDIS. Her first steps since she was shot off. The little dog stretched her legs, shaking before happily waddling off. “Oh, wait...” Yaz started as she left, but the Doctor shook her head.

“The TARDIS’ll take care of her. Give her a nice fluffy bed, some kibble.” 

Yaz sat back down with a sigh. 

“Alright.”

They waited a beat.

“Why’d they do it?”

Another silence, before the Doctor let out a heavy sigh.

“Demand? Science? The greater good? We just can’t say.”

Yaz turned her head, giving the Doctor a fallen look. 

“They loved her, you know. They regret sending her up there, in the future. They didn’t want to hurt her. They didn’t have any other choice.”

“It wasn’t right.”

“It wasn’t avoidable. These things have to happen. But...” the Doctor shifted to place a hand on her companion’s thigh. “I’m glad we could be here to help her.”


	24. Confetti

oh, it all fell around her like confetti. and at this sickening realization she laughed, letting her lips spread into a grin of irony as she let her sobbing grief transform into that sound so often jubilated as happiness. she laughed because she didn’t know what else to do, surrounded by confetti and shattered hope.

you know that feeling when something awful happens to someone else, and you don’t know what to do so you sit there with that emotional incontinence until it manifests into something like a smile, but it’s forcing it’s way onto the corners of your mouth like a demon and you try not to let it grow, but the discomfort of it all is too much and you just- 

 _smile_  at it all. 

her knees were beginning to grow sore on the hard rock with the weight in her arms but she couldn’t feel it. adrenaline soaking up her pains and aches with a sadistic thirst. she could neither feel the warmth exuding from the body, because she was too far focused on looking up directly into the ash and pseudobulbar paroxysms cycle through her. 

it was all over, she knew it! what else was there to do but smile at the sickness? at the anguish around her and the dying light overhead. it was fucking  _over_. her hope was gone- dead in her arms.

there had been a moment, when she had hope, when an amber glow took light around them and seemed to set ablaze the ash and smog like embers. but it burst like a phoenix, and snapped out- leaving cold and empty space around them. that’s when her body went still and the heartbeat faded. she was beginning to grow cold now, so the girl holding her put a palm against her forehead, just to check.

maybe it was a vain attempt to put life back into her. to transfer that heat, the heat of a thousand burning souls that had exploded into ash up on that ship, into the one thing that mattered most. 

“you’ve left me, doctor,” she whispered hoarsely. 

the body didn’t say anything in return. 

ash now coated her arms, her hair, her face- streaks of tears cut through the grey on her cheeks. 

was she ever briefed on manic grief? she must’ve, because this felt all so familiar, like she’d read it in a textbook. she’d read how to deal with a panicked victim, but not herself. she was a cop. she wasn’t supposed to be afraid. 

was she afraid?

maybe.

she was alone now.

confetti all around her and no more light left in the sky. 

was this goodbye?

she’d miss sonya, and her mum, and dad, and the girls at work. she’d miss ryan, and graham, and fuzzy socks and warm sweaters and laughing because she loved. she would miss the doctor, because she’d already gone. 

and now it was time for her to let go. 


	25. Elevator

Yaz had  _never_  liked elevators. They were janky and always rattling around- making worrying noises whenever she stood in a way the elevator deemed too stressful on it’s shambling pulleys. She  _hated_  these things, but when you were holding two bags of groceries and you’d just made your way from the shop several blocks away, the death machine was looking a lot better than the stairs.

So with resigned defeat, she stood before the metal doors, straining one hand to press the ‘up’ button while balancing a heavy paper bag against her side. 

“Need some help there..?” A lilting voice called from behind her, and Yaz nearly jumped out of her skin- giving a little shiver and whipping around. Maybe it was the elevator-related paranoia, but she hadn’t been expecting a silent presence to creep up behind her and call out all of a sudden. To her relief, it was a kind-looking woman with short blonde hair, a baby blue coat with bright yellow suspenders among other oddly matched clothing. Despite everything, she looked like a friend, and so Yaz stepped aside as she hopped forward to press the button for Yaz. 

“Here, I can hold one?” The blonde outstretched her hands looking at Yaz’s groceries, but she shook her head. 

“Thank you,” Yaz said politely, uneasy. “I’m good.”

There was something charming about the way the blonde shrugged her shoulder, clasping both hands behind her back and bouncing her shoulders back. She had a bright smile, welcoming, asking for a conversation. 

But Yaz’s nerves were already on edge. She didn’t need a cute girl in a confined space with her  _and_  having a chat with her. 

 _Maybe I should just take the stairs_. Yaz considered _. Would it be weird to take the stairs now?_

She didn’t have long to think before the elevator dinged open, and she stepped forward into the death trap. Following behind her, the blonde girl, all too happy to be in the shared space. 

And then the doors shut, and Yaz’s stomach lurched as the thing dinged and began to rise. 

“You look nervous,” the other woman spoke almost immediately. “Don’t like elevators?”

Yaz gave her a little smile. “No,” she confessed. “Never have.”

“Aw, don’t worry,” the other reached forward impulsively, patting her shoulder. “Safest things in the world, elevators!”

As if on cue, the moment those words left her mouth the elevator let out a metal screech and the entire box shook, sending Yaz’s groceries flying to the floor, both the girls grabbing onto the walls for support. 

Yaz had yelped out, grabbing the door and clinging to it well after the sudden lurch had subsided. Her heart raced, and she counted the seconds. Had they stopped on a floor? Was it even still moving?

No, it was completely stopped, and they were stuck. 

“Oh, dear.”

Yaz slowly turned to look at the other, eyes wide. “Are... are we stopped?”  _Yeah, no shit Yaz._

“Oh, not to worry-” The blonde hurried. “We’ll get moving soon, I promise!” She reached into her pocket and procured a pencil-like shape of metal and crystalline orange, pointing it at the door where Yaz was standing and giving it a prompt beep. She pulled it back toward her and gave a lopsided smile. “It’s just a cable issue, someone’s aught to notice.”

Yaz, having moved away from the door, looked at the object in the other’s hand. “What is that thing?”

“Oh, it’s sonic,” the blonde said as if that explained everything. She then looked down at the floor, and frowned. “Your things!” She dropped down, picking things up and shoving them back into Yaz’s bag.

Yaz dropped to her knees to help her, shaking her head. “First the elevator, now this...” She reached for a carton of strawberries, brushing by the other’s hand on her way. Her skin was soft, Yaz noted in the back of her mind. “I suppose it wouldn’t be out of line if I offered you a drink?” She had picked up a bottle of pop, offering it out to the other. It was the least she could do, being such a nuisance. 

The girl smiled, taking the bottle. “Thanks,” 

“Um, will we start moving soon?” Yaz grabbed her bags, starting to stand- but the blonde was already sitting cross-legged on the ground, and so Yaz paused and sat down, pushing her paper bags to the sides. 

“Probably, maybe,” she popped the cap, sparing a glance up at Yaz’s concerned expression. “Definitely.”

Maybe it was the obvious panic on her face, or the way she quietly nodded, eyes flicking around the elevator, but the woman paused, and leaned forward, a little sympathy smile on her lips.

“Hey, don’t be scared, you’re with me. I’ll keep you safe from this old machine.” 

There was something so endearing about it- Yaz couldn’t help but crack a smile, a warm laugh spreading in her chest. Maybe this wasn’t so scary after all, especially when she wasn’t alone. 

“I’m the Doctor. I help people.” She spoke warmly, inviting Yaz to introduce herself in return.

“Yasmin, Yaz to my friends.”

“Well then, Yaz,” the Doctor crinkled her nose in a grin, “looks like we’ll be spending a little time together. Would you like to get to know each other?”

Without a further beat of hesitation, Yaz nodded, and she felt her worry subside. 


	26. Out

The moment Yaz was through the door, the living room lights flicked on and there sat Najia Khan, hands folded on her lap. “You’re back late.” She commented, eyeing Yaz’s disheveled clothes.

“Sorry mum,” she said quickly, closing the door behind her and shrugging off her coat. “I told you I’d be out, didn’t I?”

Najia cracked a smile. “Out with friends, you said,”

Yaz considered. “Yeah, I was!” The Doctor counted as a friend, although.... with benefits, she supposed, and even then that phrase didn’t quite fit. 

“At this hour?” 

Yaz groaned and kicked off her shoes. “I’m home now, aren’t I?” She crossed into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water before settling down at the table. 

Najia hummed, standing- and for a moment Yaz thought she was about to leave, before she turned and shot her daughter a sneaky smile. “Were you at least safe?”

Yaz’s eyes flashed in panic and she nearly choked on her water. “W-What is that supposed to mean?!”

“I just don’t want you getting drunk or making any decisions you wouldn’t be proud of!” Najia gave a little shrug. “I meant nothing of it.”

Yaz cleared her throat. “Y-yeah, right. Goodnight, mum.”

“Goodnight, Yaz. I’m proud of you.”


	27. Quiet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: suicide, major character death, violence

It was quiet as a winter's day in the midst of a standstill forest. It was quiet as a mouse's burrow or a sleeping kitten's bed. But this was no time for positive thoughts. There was nothing warm or kind about tonight. The TARDIS lay silent, and allowed a lonesome blue hue throughout the control room, almost as if it was connected to the Doctor's emotions- the turmoil of feelings storming inside of her- and could only stand by and suffer as it tore them both apart.

She was kneeling on the steps before the console, had been frozen there since she collapsed inside of the ship. She was grasping one hand- a ghosting memory still gripping at her skin. She couldn't shake it. She felt the guilt weighing her down from each fingertip, crawling over her skin and tearing into her veins to burn her alive with blame. S _he trusted her, and- and-_

For the first time in what felt like hours, she gasped out a sob, and her body shook with tremors as she filled her lungs and then let herself fall once more, boundless tears staining her cheeks and dripping onto her light blue sleeves. She'd withstood loss, countless times over- but this struck her vulnerable, and she was completely frozen in shock save for her involuntary shaking every time she let out a pitiful sound of mourning.

She'd taken her hand, they'd been running and running- 

"Trust me," she'd flashed the other a grin. "I've been through worse."

Yasmin Khan _trusted_ _her_ , and she'd let her down, let her leave her side, her protection. She fucked up, and nothing could fix this now. No time machine or sonic trinket- Yasmin Khan was gone, and it was _all her fucking fault._

The absolute _fear_ that contorted the girl's face as she hung helplessly, holding on to the Doctor's hand with all she could. _She thought she could trust me._

Her blind faith in the one she loved left her broken on the ravine floor like a shattered porcelain doll. 

And Yaz had been perfect, the most perfect and brilliant person she'd ever met. She was everything- and now she was nothing. _I am nothing_. 

Her heart had closed for so long then, until Yaz's sunshine smile and sweet words helped her open up and feel the same love she'd felt for.... for.... someone else she'd lost. But she and Yaz could never have been together, not while the Doctor threw her into danger every other day, not when Yaz grew and aged and the Doctor simply existed among centuries. She'd seen so much- and now she'd seen the worst of it. 

Whenever she closed her eyes, Yaz's broken outline lingered...

Did she really want to live in a world where everything around her shattered into stardust?

Her movements were slow and pained. The only thing urging her forward was the silhouette of a girl she loved- someone waiting just beyond the veil of life. She didn't want this. She didn't want to loose someone again, not when it was her fault...

The Doctor dragged herself to the console, lifting herself up, smiling into the air.

"Listen here, alright?" She scanned the TARDIS, sniffing once or twice to rid tears. "I can't stay. But you take care of them, Graham and Ryan. I'm going to...." she faltered, words catching in her throat and she took a moment to rack out a sobbing cry. "I'm going to Yaz now,"

In one ragged movement she tore the piece of metal from the console, and a blinding white lightning strike shot through her body- she screamed, loudly, breaking down into cries of shuddering pain. Again and again the lightning tore her apart, until she felt the amber glow of her very being slip away into a hopeless grey emptiness.

She felt her head hit the ground, but could only see white. Bright, like a ray of sunshine smiling down on her.

" 'm sorry, Yaz,"

And then it was all gone.


	28. Stellar - A Gift To Lexa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is a holiday gift to Lexa <3

“Come on, I want to show you something!”

Yaz’s hand fit perfectly in hers as she guided her from their shared room in the TARDIS through the many illuminated halls. The Doctor’s gentle laughs echoed off of the walls, and Yaz couldn’t help but take a moment to let her eyes flutter shut, her lover’s voice and soft hand guiding her. 

This last month had been the most magical time of her life. Exploding novas and crystalline planets, all standing beside a stunningly beautiful woman, a woman who was hers to love. And in turn, she was the Doctor’s. 

Yaz didn’t know what true love felt like, but if she could guess, this would be it. The fluttering in her heart when the Doctor called her name, the adoration in the glimmer of her eyes as she watched her piloting the TARDIS or fixing a machine like a madwoman.

A madwoman and her box, and all the love inside.

When Yaz opened her eyes again, they were standing before the twin TARDIS doors, the Doctor standing with one hand outstretched to pull them open. 

“What...?”

“Keep holding my hand.”

She reached forward, pulling the doors open and bathing the two in a flash of pale blue light...

Yaz blinked against the shine, gazing out into a starfield of what must have been a billion baby galaxies orbiting around them. Each one sparkled with a different shade of light, the auras melting into a watercolor painting of pastels against a milky black exosphere. 

“Oh, it’s....” she lost her words, letting them fly from her lips into the sea of stars. She cool just feel the gentle look of the Doctor, as if she was waiting to see how Yaz would like the swirl of galaxy expanse around them. “It’s....” 

She couldn’t find the words until she tugged the Doctor’s hand toward her, and pulled her into a kiss- soft lips against soft lips, tasting the sweetness of her partner as they embraced in the delicate starlight of a newborn universe.

By the time they parted, Yaz’s lips were rosy and kiss-swollen, her eyes flicking back out to the stars. 

“Beautiful,” the Doctor said quietly, and Yaz realized that her eyes were still trained on Yasmin. A world full of stars, and all she could look at was her. 

The Doctor placed both hands on Yaz’s hips, guiding her toward the doors. 

“Trust me,” she whispered- and Yaz let the TARDIS take her in the safety of it’s artificial disgravity. With both arms wrapped around the Doctor’s neck, fingers clasped loosely and legs wrapped around the other’s waist. 

She laughed, tilting her head back, long hair flying weightless around her. It was a funny feeling in her stomach, even with all the butterflies still flitting about from their kiss. 

The trust kept her anchored to her lover, that and the TARDIS protecting her from floating away or losing oxygen. They floated among the stars like this, Yaz tangled around the Doctor, drowning in stellar light, the other’s eyes sparkling with affection and love.

Yes, this  _was_  love.


End file.
